Tonight I’m in a very contemplative space, working quietly to resolve the impact of some recent disappointments. Life is very difficult for many people these days, particularly those who are Wakening. We are straddling two worlds where the gap between them is widening, and the requirements of the old world is not abating while the new one is growing. It is taxing. It is demanding. It is worth it.
This is what I keep repeating today: it is worth it. Because it is. Because it is the only thing that matters right now. Many of us have suffered great loss, and some more than others. Some of us will suffer even greater loss in the weeks and months to come. But it is worth it. Because the Journey is worthy.
Tonight I want to remember our Voices, collectively and individually. Many of us are engaged in some pretty exciting exchanges with each other, inter-organizational and intra-organizational. Boundaries are getting fuzzy and sometimes chasms grow. The ground is shifting beneath our feet and we are all wearing roller skates! This is not a time to allow the petty to grow beyond its true size.
For most of my life, I was told that I was nothing. That my only value was my uterus and my ability to be a “homemaker”. Funny that I failed at both of those things. And I had to come to terms with the way that our culture devalues women who do what they’re told just as much as it abuses women who don’t do what they’re told. I had to deal with the pain of years wasted as an obedient slave to a system that worked to destroy me.
The outcome for many women who internalize the toxic messages of a culture that says “you are worthless” is that we swallow our words. We swallow them whole and never allow them to escape our lips. Some of us become so good at swallowing our words that we swallow our voices, too. We begin to believe that there is nothing that could come our of our throats and minds that could possibly hold value to another human being. Our inner voice becomes very loud, and sometimes our psychic self becomes so sensitive we can barely tolerate it. Invisibility is the next step. I learned very early how to be invisible in a crowded room. Thank the Universe that my Teacher didn’t let me get away with it! And neither did the Universe.
I spent a lifetime following synchronicity to know what my path should be. I cannot say that this has always been a good thing, nor that I did it perfectly. Sometimes I simply accepted the lesser of two evils when I should have refused them all. I am not unique in that respect – we all experience moments of cloudiness, a lack of clarity that comes from our struggle to accept our own value, to believe in ourselves.
That lack of acceptance and belief steals from us, but it also steals from others. Without trusting in ourselves, we are depriving the world of our unique point of view, of our intrinsic wisdom, of our voice.
Each of us has something invaluable and precious that we carry within ourselves. It may be obscured by mud or tarnish. It may be a hidden gem stashed in a rusted tin box that we forgot about for a time while we traveled a long road back to that part of ourselves where we could remember it. We may have abandoned the journey willfully because we needed to step back and really understand what it meant before picking up where we left off. Maybe we made choices along the way that we regret. Maybe we didn’t really have a choice, and have to come to terms with that, too. We may have “karma” with others that we really wish we could have resolved before coming to this moment. Whatever it may be, the tarnish that we can now polish from the gemstone of our wisdom can be made gleaming, and its light will dazzle us in a way that it simply could not before.
This is why, if we are truly on the path of the Realized, we must be gentle with ourselves, and accept the lessons we have so gifted ourselves with at this time.
To value our voice is more than giving our wisdom a quality. It is accepting the treasure we carry as treasure. We are all on a quest from Source to learn, and Source does not count one lesson greater than another. All knowledge is Knowledge. All wisdom is precious.
It is very difficult for we who have been so programmed within a culture that devalues some humans and elevates others to understand the implications, in our daily lives, of how this impacts us and steals away our wisdom. Many understand and accept that we all have access to the same information or, more appropriately, Gnosis, and that we are all equally partaking in it. But old habits die hard, and we will elevate one voice above others, because it has been schooled in us from childhood.
This is not to in any way diminish anyone’s hard work, as there are some truly amazing and brilliant Bringers of Truth who have devoted countless hours, days, weeks, months, and years to carry Truth to us. I do feel that we need a better system by which to share our wisdom with each other, to commune on higher levels so that all of our number feel their voice has meaning. And I am sure we will achieve this, among many other things.
My point is that, in our current paradigm, it is important that we not forget the value that each carries, to carry it in our awareness. It is another type of tantric exercise where our attention and the world we engage become tension points, working isometrically to build a new kind of strength. This learning about creating tension and applying the tantric principle is part of the wisdom that I carry from my Teacher, and I have built my own wisdom, my own experience and insight, onto his and others. Yet others have learned from me – mundane and less so – and built upon that. It is one of the ways that everything becomes brilliantly connected in yet another layer.
The image of the Tarot card, The Star, has been much on my mind the last few weeks. It is the card that follows The Tower, a symbol of paradigm-changing destruction, an end of regimes, a radical change in tides. The Star is commonly called “Help from Above (or outside)”, something that we may not see but which arrives just when needed.
I see a higher esoteric meaning in the card. The figure of a woman pours water from a jar back into a large body of water. Why would she do this? Don’t people take water from a lake in vessels back to their homes for their use? So why give the water back?
The insight I have on this is told in the paragraphs above, but I’ll elucidate further. The lake in this metaphor is Source, and the water being poured back into the lake is the reunion of our unique and very personal experience returning Home. It is significant that water is the symbol of this card, and that water represents the emotional self which is the core of our power as human beings.
Use the analogy of the Hologram. Heck, use the imagery of Tron bring his “disk” and uploading his collected data to the mainframe in order to heal the toxic programs from the system. All of the above work, only it is not some super hero as in Tron that is going to save the day. We are all “Tron”. The information that we share with each other isn’t some static thing that we read or listen to and then walk away from, but a beautiful symphony of experience and Conversation.
When I walk along the lake, I am engaging in Conversation with the world around me, a dialog of senses, thought, emotion and being that expands beyond the walker. I am more than the body. I am that which contains my body. You are my body.
This is so important: many of us who feel we have nothing to add to the Conversation, will continue on our journey with nothing to add Conversation. When we wake up to our intrinsic value, with enough awareness and clarity to see who and what we are, we will discover that we have immense riches to share. As we continue to believe that we have something to add, then we will find that we do, and more still will grow within that realization. We will be surrounded by so much wealth that we can’t give it away fast enough.
That is the secret of who we are, and this is why groups have worked so hard for so long to convince us that we are worthless. This is why, when you walk the streets in poor neighborhoods, you may feel like the message “you are worthless” is being pounded into you at every turn. Each of these things is purposeful. And it takes so very little to break the spell.
You are the water bearer. I am the water bearer. The Aquarian Age is the age of You and your freedom to be who you have always been. One day I woke up to find that I was the one I was looking for. You probably have, too.
Now imagine a few thousand persons who have awakened to their true nature coming together in harmony, uplifting each other still more. The effect becomes exponential. This is what they have always feared, that the shackles would no longer lock on our wrists and ankles, and we would simply fly away.
We are not all going to have big hugs and roast marshmellows just yet. There is going to be tension. There are going to be a lot of moments where one rubs another the wrong way. There are going to be those we looked up to who will fall from the pedestal and fall very, very hard. We can choose to be compassionate, and to love them anyway. We can realize that just because someone says something that we know is wrong, doesn’t make that person bad. They’re stuck in the mud in a vehicle that they no longer need. Put a little WD 40 on your roller skates and keep going.
Geese fly in a “V” so that the air resistance is lessened on the flock as a whole. When the lead goose gets tired, another goose takes the lead, giving that one a rest. Nobody needs to be the “leader”, but everyone has to be sensitive to the needs of the whole. Sometimes a lead goose needs a break, and another needs to step up and take the full force of the wind for a little while. We don’t need to abandon anybody in order to fly, but we do need to stop insisting on a “leader” to do our work for us.
Again, I’m not saying we are all the same and that we have to engage in some kind of intellectual parsing of the minutes of our day to make sure we give every individual we encounter an equal portion of our time. That would be rather mad. What I am suggesting is that we find a way to reach outside of our routines and our comfort zones to listen to others in new ways, and work a little harder to find resonance that perhaps we didn’t know was there.